


Taking Care of Things

by dreamofalamprey



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Accidental wetting, Alternate Universe - College/University, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Human Disaster Alexander Hamilton, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 22:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14840450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamofalamprey/pseuds/dreamofalamprey
Summary: It's finals week, and Alexander Hamilton really doesn't know how to take care of himself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Read this, you heathens.

It was late Wednesday morning when John woke up from his long-awaited sleep. It was finals week on campus, and the exam he’d spent all of yesterday taking had really knocked him out. He would be grateful when this hellish period was over, as the pressure of testing was definitely taking its toll. Not only did it make his own temper run unusually short, but it made an absolute mess of his roommate, Alexander. 

When John sat up in bed, he could see Alexander in the exact same stop he’d been in when John had fallen asleep. His hair was pulled back messily and his eyes were bloodshot beyond belief, but he typed furiously away on his laptop nonetheless. John sighed, noticing a couple empty cans of energy drink littered on his desk. 

“Were you up all night?” he asked, climbing out of bed and reaching for his own computer. 

Alexander barely looked up. 

“Mhmm.” 

This came as little shock to John, who shook his head as he sunk down in his own desk, which faced Alexander’s. Though he was exhausted from all he’d already done, he still had a final essay he needed to finish. Even as he logged in and opened the file, he couldn’t help but cast a wary glance over the screen to look at Alexander, who he really was worried about. They’d been roommates for a while now, and he’d known the other boy to be intense, but never had John seen him like this. Maybe there was something a thousand times more stressful about sophomore year. 

“Plan on taking a break any time soon?”

“I don’t need a break,” said Alexander, though John wasn’t convinced. 

He sighed again, arching his back in annoyance. 

“Alex, come on,” he said, “when’s the last time you slept? Or ate real food? Or went to the bathroom, for Christ’s sake?” 

Alexander ignored this. The answers to John’s questions, respectively, were yesterday afternoon, ten o’ clock last night, and five hours ago, but he wasn’t going to admit to as much. He didn’t like people fussing over him, and he knew that John would be pissed at him if he knew the truth. He didn’t have time for confrontation. 

Though John left these matters alone and turned his attention on his own work, Alexander couldn’t deny that maybe he did have a right to be a bit concerned. He was running on empty by now, only being kept awake by the grumbling and tossing of his stomach. That, and the persistent nagging in his bladder. 

He tore his thoughts from these discomforts. Thinking of them would only make things worse, he told himself. Besides, he couldn’t afford to stop. 

For another hour, he worked on, ignoring the worsening pains in his stomach. John, willing to halt his work in order to yield to his body’s demands, got up during this time to make himself a bowl of cereal. He slapped a pitiful excuse for a sandwich together and held it out to Alexander with a serious look on his face. 

“Eat,” he commanded, clearly not about to take no for an answer. 

Though Alexander grumbled in protest, he was secretly grateful that John had made him the sandwich. There was no way he was getting up for something as trivial as food, but it did feel nice to get something in his stomach again. 

There was silence as the two of them returned to work. Alexander shifted in his seat. He no longer felt as hungry, but it was becoming more and more difficult to ignore what was becoming a very urgent need to relieve himself. Briefly, he registered that he had began to jiggle his leg, his foot tapping agitatedly on the floor below. John took notice, and looked at him quizzically. 

“You good?” 

He nodded. 

“Yeah,” he said.

John gave him a deadpan look. 

“The world isn’t going to end if you get up to take a leak, you know” he said.

Alexander bit down on his tongue. 

“I’m fine.” 

To prove his point, he stilled his leg. This satisfied his pride, but did nothing to ease the feeling in his lower abdomen. Grinding his teeth, he pressed his legs together and told himself he could get up once he finished this section. He only needed three more pages. It would be easy. After all, he’d been studying this all semester, right?

Right. Really, it wasn’t that difficult. He could get through it quickly. It was only a question of how quickly, for the urgent need to get up was becoming a bit overwhelming. His fingers were hammering down on the keys, and he found himself whispering aloud to himself as he typed. He knew this, the was so close. So close. 

In a matter of fifteen minutes, he’d flown through a page and a half of writing. This hardly mattered, though, when he’d become unable to stop himself from jiggling his leg again. It was all that he could do to keep it together. He couldn’t get up now. He still had work to do. He still had work to do. He still had work to do. 

A jolt of pain in his stomach told him that he was running out of time. Fine. Fine. It was fine; he could compromise. He’d just get to the bottom of this page. He only needed to finish the rest of this page. He was typing faster than he believed himself possible, despite the errors and run-on sentences. He just had to finish this, he had to-

He couldn’t finish this. He wasn’t. He made to push back in his chair, but by the time that he brought his hands down on the edge of his desk, it was too late. 

It didn’t make sense for him to try and get up as it was happening. He didn’t even think that he could. His blood seemed to run cold with shame and he heard himself make a noise of panic. It was terrible and pathetic and he wished there was something he could do to stop it but everything was spiralling out of his control because now he was fucking pissing himself in front of John.

And as if it wasn’t remotely possible for this to get worse, some awful, evil part of him told him that this was the time to start hyperventilating.

“Fuck, no, no, no, no,” 

John looked up. 

“What’s happening?” 

Alexander wouldn’t look at him. He couldn’t. There was no living this down. There was no explaining, there was no escape. What was John going to think? God, he was going to hate him, because this was disgusting. 

John stood and rounded their desks, snorting when he laid eyes upon Alexander, panicking in his own mess. 

“Dude, are you fucking kidding me?” 

This had not been the correct thing to say. What would have been, Alexander had no idea. He was too busy bringing his hands to cover his face and trying not to start sobbing altogether. Almost immediately, John realized his mistake. He reached out to touch his friend, trying to make amends. 

“Shit, no,” he said, “no, look, I’m sorry, Alex, hey-”

Alexander flinched away violently at the contact, beginning to whimper into his hands. He was breathing heavily now, rocking back and forth slightly in his seat. 

“No, no, no, no, no, don’t touch me, this is so disgusting, I’m sorry, this is awful, don’t look at me, oh, my God, I’m sorry-”

“Hey, no,” said John, “it’s not disgusting. It’s alright.”

This did nothing to calm Alexander. John really had no idea what he was supposed to do in situations like these. 

“D’you want me to call Eliza?” he asked, thinking that maybe she’d know what to do. 

“No! Don’t - don’t call Eliza!” stuttered Alexander, meeting John’s gaze for the first time with fear in his eyes, “don’t call her, please, she’s going to be so mad at me, oh my God-”

“She’s not going to be mad at you,” he said, though Alexander continued to shake his head back and forth as though his life depended on it. 

John was at a loss. If he didn’t even want to see his girlfriend right now, what the hell use was he supposed to be? Taking a breath, he got onto his knees and brought a hand to Alexander’s wrist. 

“Okay, I won’t call Eliza, alright? But you need to calm down, okay?”

Alexander shook his head. 

“Don’t do this,” he said, “I’m sorry, I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this, I just made a mistake and now this is happening. I’m okay, I’m already calm, I’m okay, I’m okay. Just go somewhere else and I’ll fix this and I’ll take care of it.” 

Alexander didn’t stop crying as he said this. It made John uncomfortable, but he was a wreck. He wasn’t about to leave him alone. 

“Look,” he said, trying to be both pointed and gentle at the same time, “I think you’ve just been working yourself too hard, alright? I think you need to take a break.”

Alexander began to protest, but John was not having it. 

“You’re taking a break,” he said, “come on, stand up.”

With a bit of coaxing, he did get Alexander to leave his now-soiled chair. He stood in front of John with red eyes and a flush on his face. He allowed himself to be led to the bathroom, where John deposited him in front of the shower. 

“Get cleaned up,” he said, “I’ll get you your stuff.”

Rather than make any noise of objection, Alexander did as he was told. Sniffing quietly, he shed his clothes and stepped under the showerhead after John had left. Under the water, he washed away all the evidence of what had just happened. 

When he stepped out, he saw that John had brought him new clothes, which sat on the little counter by the sink. Without a sound, he slipped them on and stepped back into the main room, where John seemed satisfied to see him make a reappearance. 

"You need to get some sleep." 

Alexander opened his mouth to argue, but John wasn't in the mood. 

"Bed. Now."

"Don't tell me what to do," he shot back, suddenly rediscovering a shred of his dignity. 

"You just pissed yourself, Alex. I believe some direction is in order."

Flushing, Alex crossed the room to crawl into his bed. His body screamed with relief upon hitting the covers, which he ducked under, pushing himself towards the wall so that he could make himself as small as possible. He just needed to sleep this off. 

"John?" he asked after a moment of silence.

"What?"

"You're not gonna tell anyone about this, right?" 

"It'll be our secret," said John, "now, go the hell to sleep."

For once, Alexander didn't need telling twice.


	2. Chapter 2

Usually, John was a man of his word, but this seemed like something he needed to involve other people in. He wasn't trying to embarrass Alexander, but he didn't know what to do. He'd never seen him freak out like that before. And flat-out wetting himself? That was certainly a first. As far as John knew, that was. 

He'd known his friend to be anxious and obsessive, but this just seemed extreme. Alexander had let the issue go a couple of hours ago only - John suspected - because he was so insanely tired that he couldn't properly protest. In all honestly, John had no idea what to do when his roommate awoke. Things would definitely be awkward, but he wanted to do something to prevent future... episodes. He could tell that Alexander had been wearing himself to the bone all week, but this was the last straw. The kid needed help. 

Casting a careful look over at Alexander's sleeping form, John whipped out his cellphone and scrolled through his list of contacts. He found Eliza's name in between those of her sisters, though he couldn't remember why he had their numbers in the first place. Maybe he'd had a maths class with Angelica last year? It was unimportant. 

Not quite knowing how he was going to explain this, he figured that it was better to text. He created a new message and typed out a hesitant opener. 

J.Laurens // 1:27 : Hey, can you come over later?

Though he was sure Eliza was up to her ears in notes and take-home assignments, her response was quick. She was always there, something John appreciated, especially for Alexander. 

E.Schuyler // 1:28 : I'll see if I can. What's up?

What was up? How did he explain this? He weighed his options. 

J.Laurens // 1:28 : Alex is sorta messed up, I thought maybe he should talk to you????

E. Schuyler // 1:29 : Messed up how?

John hesitated. He didn't want to make Alexander feel worse by telling her what exactly what happened, but he didn't know if he could make her understand quite how bad things were if he didn't. With an apologetic glance at Alexander, he tapped away at the keys. 

J.Laurens // 1:32 : He's really not taking care of himself. 

J.Laurens // 1:33 : He worked for like 18 hours straight and pissed himself at his desk

He knew his language would read as crude to Eliza, but he just wanted to get the point across. This sort of sensitive talk was her area of expertise, not his. 

J.Laurens // 1:34 : Then he had this whole breakdown idk. I thought you'd know what to do... 

This was really awkward and Alexander was probably going to resent him for it, but he was just trying to be a good friend, damn it. Thankfully, Eliza didn't seem to be putting to much thought into his lack of graces. 

E.Schuyler // 1:35 : Is he okay??? When was this??

J.Laurens // 1:35 : I think he's fine? This was this morning. I made him go to bed. 

J.Laurens // 1:36 : He hasn't woken up yet but I think you should come over. I'm not as good at this stuff as you and he probably needs like 

J. Laurens // 1:36 : Idk a heart-to-heart of some crap like that

E.Schuyler // 1:37 : I'll be right over. See you in 15. 

John tossed the phone down on his bed. Somehow, he felt like neither Eliza nor Alexander were going to be very happy with him in a few minutes' time. That's why he'd waited these few hours, for a little calm after the storm. He wanted to put some distance between one production and the next. Besides, he'd needed time to finish his essay. 

In the meantime, he supposed that he'd try to make the room a bit more presentable for Eliza. He really couldn't care less if she saw his filth and all its glory, but he knew Alexander was very particular about this sort of thing. He didn't want to stress him out more after inviting people inside when he wasn't prepared. 

He made his bed and swept the crumpled papers and food wrappers off of the desks and into the wastebasket. This felt so weirdly formal, like he was back home and his mother was expecting company. He looked at Alexander's chair, the seat of which was still wet. The sight of it made him cringe, and he knew that Alexander wouldn't want Eliza to see. He pushed it into the bathroom and shut it inside as quietly as he could. He didn't know how to clean cheap office chairs, but told himself they'd figure it out later. 

A soft knock came at the main door. John opened it carefully, so that he wouldn't wake Alexander. Standing in the hallway was Eliza, looking as pretty as ever in sweatpants and a jean jacket. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail and a totebag was slung over her shoulder. She'd brought her school things, it'd looked like. 

"Hey," said John, stepping out into the hall and closing the door softly behind him, "sorry, he's still asleep. I, uh, thought it'd be best to keep it that way. He doesn't have any exams today, so..."

Eliza nodded. Everyone else was shut away in their rooms, or suffering somewhere else at a desk or cubicle. 

"What happened, now? What'd you do when he... you know?" 

John rubbed his temple. 

"I dunno, I don't think I handled it very well. I didn't know how he was gonna react."

Eliza furrowed her eyebrows. 

"What do you mean? What did you say? How did he react?"

"Well, I didn't think he was going to get that, uh, upset. I probably could've been nicer, but like... I don't know, he started, like, freaked out."

"How, John?" Eliza's voice was quiet, but hard. 

"I don't know! He didn't want me to touch him or call you-"

"Did he cry?" 

John didn't like this question. His face surely showed it. 

"Yeah."

Eliza slugged him in the arm, not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to tell him that she wasn't amused. 

"John! What did you say to him?"

John raised his hands defensively.

"I don't know, okay! I don't know how to deal with this stuff, Eliza, that's why I texted you!"

She shook her head, cold look still cast upon her normally gentle features. 

"Look," John said, running a hand through his tangled hair, "I fucked up. But I don't know what's going on. He's asleep now, so can we just go inside and drop it? I'll shut up, I promise."

Nostrils flared, Eliza rolled her eyes, but allowed for him to open the door and see her inside. She shed her jacket and made her way over to Alexander's bed, where she dropped down softly on the mattress beside him. She looked at him fondly for a moment, tracing his jaw gently with her finger before reaching into her back and pulling out a textbook. From there, she and John worked in silence, her weight pressing lightly against Alexander's leg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woop i thought this was gonna be like a 2-chapter dealio but i guess it needs more // sorry for producing this lolol


	3. Chapter 3

When Alexander awoke, things seemed strange. Disjointed. He felt exhausted, like he hadn't slept in a long time. A couple seconds' realization told him that he hadn't. Shame filled his stomach as he remembered why he was in bed in the first place. He'd completely humiliated himself from John. He'd been so stressed out because of finals that-

Finals.

Shit.

He still had so much work to do. Putting his preoccupation aside, he forced his eyes open and sat up in bed, ready to get up and grab his computer. He didn't know what time it was and he needed to finish that essay. To his surprise, though, his legs were trapped under those of his girlfriend.

"E-Eliza," he said, blushing, his voice rough his sleep, "what are you doing here?"

He had a bad feeling when he saw her smile softly. It was the same smile she often wore around children to keep them from crying or yelling. She closed her book and set it down beside her.

"I thought that you might be stressed out, so I came over to visit you."

Alexander craned his head to look around the room for John. He was nowhere to be seen. He did not like this.

"Did you talk to John?" he asked, unable to keep the nervousness out of his voice.

Eliza put a hand on his leg, obviously trying to soothe his worries. It didn't work.

"I did," she said, "and from what it sounds like, you've been working yourself way too hard."

Of course John had to go and call her over. He only hoped that he hadn't told her everything that had happened.

He felt her hand more up to his shoulder. He forced himself to look at her, though he could feel his face growing hot. He shook his head.

"I'm fine," he said, "I was just a little tired."

He made to get up, but Eliza made a little noise and kept her hand in place. He obeyed.

"That's not what I heard," she said gently, too gently.

Alexander felt his throat tighten.

"What did you hear?" he asked, though he already knew what she had heard.

"John told me pretty much everything that happened this morning."

Before Alexander knew what was happening, his eyes were filling with tears once again.

"Great," he said, trying to sound sarcastic, but failing when his voice cracked.

He pulled away from Eliza, ducking his head.

"Oh, sweetheart, it's okay," she said, coming closer and brushing his hair away from his eyes, "it was only an accident. It happens to everyone."

Alexander turned, trying to wipe the tears off his cheeks with angry hands.

"No, it doesn't," he said, trying to keep his voice from breaking, "don't say that. It doesn't happen to everyone; it happens to children and pathetic losers who can't fucking- "

"Hey," said Eliza, lowering into his field of vision so that he had to meet her eye, "you aren't a loser, you aren't pathetic. I think there's something else going on."

Alexander scrunched his eyes closed and shook his head.Eliza sighed.

"Alexander, from what John described, it sounded like you had a nervous break. You hadn't eaten anything, you aren't sleeping enough. This sort of thing has happened with you before. I think the problem is that you don't know when to quit."

"That isn't true."

"Not even a little bit?"

"No."

"Hon-"

She touched his cheek. He wanted to fall apart at her touch. Thankfully, she still elected to do the talking. 

"I know how you get nervous," she said softly, "but sometimes I just don't understand. You're brilliant, Alexander. You're so, so smart. No one thinks otherwise. I don't know what you think is going to happen if you stop working for a minute and just be a nineteen-year-old."

"It's not about the work," Alexander muttered, "it's about results-"

He shifted where he sat, but didn't take his eyes off his knees. 

"It can't just be good, it has to be the best."

Eliza's face was sad. 

"But why?"

"Because they're all gonna know if it isn't and if it isn't it means I don't deserve to be here- all this stuff they've given me-"

"Wait. Are you talking about your scholarships?"

He nodded. 

"Alexander! You've already earned those! With things you wrote years ago! You're only getting better!"

Alexander made a weird noise. 

"No- Eliza, it's not about them taking them away, it's just... I can't be anything less than what I can be when I have all my problems being taken care of for me, you know?"

His voice was quiet now too. Eliza didn't bother to try and tell him that no, clearly not all of his problems had been taken care of. She only softened, and let out a little laugh, even though nothing was really that funny. 

"Don't be so proud, love. You work so hard. You're Washington's pet student-"

Something like a grin almost formed on Alexander's lips. Eliza kept going. 

"I love you, John loves you-"

"He probably hates me now."

"Stop being ridiculous," said Eliza, still kind, but more firm, "John cares about you very much and what happened today- that- that was some tiny, insignificant episode. You've been friends for over a year, I doubt he was completely oblivious to this stuff."

"He yelled at me."

Alexander hated how small his voice sounded when he said it, how childish he seemed. He could feel the beginnings of tears in his eyes, so he closed them before any could escape. Eliza put her hand on her his back and rubbed between his shoulders.

"I think he was just confused, you know? When we talked, I could tell that he felt bad. John cares about you a lot, Alexander. He just has a funny way of showing it, that's all."

This got a light snort from her boyfriend. She smiled, leaned in, and kissed his cheek. 

"John went out to get dinner for you from the dining hall, he should be back any minute. I've got an econ final tomorrow morning, are you alright if I take off?"

He nodded his head, then kissed her back, this time on the lips. 

"Mmmhm."

She smiled. 

"Talk to John, would you? When you're ready? For me?"

Reluctantly, Alexander nodded again. 

"For you."

"Thank you."

She got up from the bed and gathered up her things. Alexander walked her to the door. 

"I'll text you later tonight," she said, "so keep your phone on."

"Alright."

"I'll see you tomorrow night, okay?"

"Okay."

She looked at him and smiled before heading out the door. 

"Eliza-" he said, just as she stepped out. 

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. I love you."


	4. Chapter 4

John took his time coming back to his room. He hoped that Eliza had worked whatever girl-magic it was that she possessed to clean up the mess he'd made of things earlier that morning. Then again, Alexander hadn't wanted him to involve Eliza in the first place, so there was a chance that he had made things even worse. He was not eager to find out. 

Eventually, though, he concluded that it would be best to arrive sooner rather than later, hoping that he could use hot food as a peace offering if need be. 

After climbing the stairs up to their forth-floor room, he listened outside of the door for a minute, just to make sure that Eliza wasn't still in there. As he only heard the sounds of keyboard keys clicking, he went out on a limb and assumed that the Schuyler girl had departed. He sighed, pulling out his key. _Here goes nothing-_

Inside, Alexander sat upright on his bed, back to the wall and laptop balanced on his knees. The awkward position didn't seem to deter him in the slightest. He didn't even look up when John walked in.

"I brought you some dinner," John said, brandishing the cardboard box he held in his left hand and kicking the door shut behind him.   

"Thanks."

Still no eye contact. Treading lightly, John came closer and set the box and plastic cutlery on the bed beside his friend. He flopped down onto his own covers, reaching for his computer upon deciding to keep things as normal as possible.

But things weren't normal. There wasn't any denying it. Never in all the time the two had shared a room had things seemed so... awkward. And sure, John knew Alexander was embarrassed, but there was something else there too. Something he didn't like. Perhaps it had been there the whole time, and was just coming to the surface now. 

He closed his laptop. 

"Alex?"

A few more clicks. No response. John cleared his throat. 

" _Alex_."

"Hmm?" 

Alexander sounded annoyed. John decided to ignore it. It had been a rough day, after all. 

"Look," he said, "I'm sure you don't want to talk about what happened earlier-"

"You're right," Alexander cut across bluntly, "I don't."

John made a sound that was half annoyance, half pity. 

"But come on," he tried again, "this morning was... bad, but I've been thinking about it and-"

"Oh, he's been thinking about it," muttered Alexander. 

Despite his snarky tone, John could see a flush rising to his cheeks. He pushed onwards, unamused. 

"That wasn't so out-of-character for you, though."

The sound of typing stopped. John hastened to make amends.

"I mean, like, this morning was it's own deal, but..." 

He took a breath, looking at the side of Alexander's face. 

"I dunno. It just seems like you're always on edge lately. And I don't know what that's about, and it's fine if you don't want me to, I just... I just want you to know that I'm always here if you need to talk. About whatever. So... yeah."

Alexander was silent. John began to berate himself mentally, thinking that he must have made things weirder than they already were, but was cut off by the sound of Alexander snorting with laughter. 

"Jesus Christ, dude," he said, "don't go all talk-therapy on me. It's fine, really."

John didn't necessarily believe this, but he shook his head and smiled, looking away as Alexander finally picked up the box beside him. 

"Whatever," he said, "just throwing it out there."

Alexander laughed again, stopping only to look over at John. 

"Laurens?"

Returning the glance would make things awkward again, so John feigned indifference, looking up only slightly from the blank screen of his computer. 

"What?"

"Thank you."

This had become too much. There wasn't a good response. John had had enough feelings-y shit to last until he graduated. 

"Write your fucking paper, Hamilton."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes this was way short and definitely sloppy writing but here ya go idk hope you enjoyed <3

**Author's Note:**

> It's possible a second part may be in order, but I guess I'll wait and see


End file.
